Juvenile Brain Trust

Halloween is just around the corner so the kids get to suggest three different options for Mike’s Halloween costume.  Of course, learning rears it’s ugly head and knowledge is imparted:

• Beer can make you puke (if abused)
• How to make a bitch (drink too much beer and barf on your girlfriend)
• Homer (not Dante’s)
• How to determin if you should be a long turd or a pile of crap for Halloween
• There is a difference between Hippies and Hillbillies
• Marrying your sister is illegal (mostly)

The Podcast Awards nominations are supposed to be announced Sunday.  If we are on the list of nominees, please vote for us.  If not, please vote for us at Podcast Alley.

 

 08.10.17 - Halloween Costumes [13:33m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Let’s read an old-time fairy tale with a new twist on it.  Newer is not always better:

• Over sweet makes people sick
• What Angel Dust does to you
• Little girl books have hard to pronounce names (too much sugar)
• Cute fairy trick:  the lactose intolerance cloud
• It doesn’t matter if you offend white people
• The third eye / The brown eye / The back eye
• How to make a bitch:  don’t invite her to your celebration
• Anal pubic hair
• Baby showers are kind of boring (or party type showers in general)
• Be mean to Nonna — you’re a bitch for eternity
• Rubbing your thrid eye
• Fairytales these days are twisted correct and sickeningly sweet — yuck!
• It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to grow strawberries
• People love to worry about pretty people (no one worries about the uglies — do they?)
• Strawberry Shortcake architecture is hideous
• Too many thorns in your guarded place means no company (http://shaveeverywhere.com/)
• What is a “Dirty Sanchez“?

Keep an eye out to see if we were nominated for a Podcast Award.  If we were, please vote early and often.  If not, then…

 

 08.10.10 - Sleeping Beauty (w/Manberry Fruitcake) [39:07m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The Juvenile Brain Trust hosts guest host Armchair Survivor while regular host Marji Carrino attends a conference in Floridia.  Can the kids actually host a normal podcast?  Check it out:

http://armchairsurvivor.com/blog/index.php/archives/140

October is Halloween month — unless some goofy fundamentalist ruins it for all of us.  If we’re going to be over run by the dark lord, though, why not compare and contrast Christianity with Satanism — they both sound so tempting:

Ten Commandments

1. (I am the LORD your God) You shall have no other gods before Me.
2. You shall not make for yourself a carved image–any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.

More about the Ten Commandments — click here.

Eleven Satanic Rules of Earth

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another’s lair, show them respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy.
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved.
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
9. Do not harm little children.
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.

More about Satanism’s Eleven Rules — click here.

Of course, this is just a cursory peek into some very significant concepts and Mike just reads this crap off the teleprompter so if you have anything to add or maybe even correct, please feel free to comment, leave a voice message or e-mail us.  We’ll probably give you credit — even if you’re right or wrong.  Go ahead and tells us — make our day!

Please vote for us at PodcastAlley and check out the Podcaster Awards web site to see if we got nominated for anything.  If we did, go vote for us or we’ll hit ya with both some Jesus and some Satan.  And then, the little boy will kick you in the balls.  Thank you.

 

 08.10.03 - Christian or Satanist? (Hard to choose just one) [27:17m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

An audience feedback show has long been in order.  If you want to give your feedback, do so on this web site by leaving a comment, call the listener voice mail line at 234.525.0354 or e-mail us at show[at]juvenilebraintrust.com.  Further, you can also e-mail the individuals at nick@, mike@ and gab@ of the same domain (@juvenilebraintrust.com — you can also spell their first names out like “Michael@juv…”, etc.).  Anyhoo, here’s the first batch and the lessons learned:

• Stopping your urine mid-stream hurts
• Vote for us at the PodcastAwards.com
• New voice mail number:  call us at 234.525.0354
• Don’t listen to JBT at work (unless you KNOW FOR SURE it’s OK)
• Don’t cut up dead hookers — or even kill them
• Ball kicking is even painful when you’re just thinking about it
• Wet farts usually smell bad longer
• Some Satanists are very nice writers
• Why urinal cakes?
• Unorthodox parenting
• The ball kicking sound (Indiana Jones‘ whip)
• Which is more mature and/or comprehensive:  Blazing Saddles or Mean Girls
• Satanist Matt Paradise gives us some internet love
• Ass Hole -vs- Ass Crack
• Slut -vs- Back Stabber
• Diddling kids is bad — report it immediately
• “Prick” can be bad or honorable

Thank you for your support and if you have any questions comments and/or answers for Juvenile Brain Trust comment on this blog, call us at 234.525.0354 or e-mail us at show [at] juvenilebraintrust.com.

Please nominate us for a podcaster award at http://podcastawards.com.  The two categories people have told us they would like to see us in are “People’s Choice” and “Education“.  As soon as the nominations are complete (nominations close at September 30, 2008) vote for us where ever you can.  It makes us feel good (yup, that’s selfish but this show is free — so far, right?).

 

 08.09.26 - Feedback Fun-The First Batch [26:53m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s bed time and what better way to prepare your soul for sleep (and keep) than reading a couple of chapters from a children’s bible.  Mike may have injected some opinion lessons and enhanced the story a little (to, hopefully, make the stories a little more memorable).  Things learned tonight:

• God made his bones by being angry — not interesting
• Like we do today, God measured things in “football fields”
• Ring around the plague
• Being on an ark for 40 days may make you really want companionship
• Some bible names are really hard to pronounce
• A time when there were ONLY Jews (and other non-Christians)
• God bossed Abraham around a lot
• Canada was not actually mentioned in The Bible
• Heff doesn’t have anything on Abraham (as far as age goes, but Bridget Marquardt is probably a lot hotter than Sarah — all of the girls probably are, actually).
• Sacrifice means “kill” in The Bible
• Abraham didn’t return God’s favor (Jesus still got crucified)
• Is The Bible to be taken literal?
• Abraham’s family had to do a lot of… (boink, boink)
• The Bible takes place in the 1920’s?  Maybe not.
• God gave Abraham and Sarah a little boy and gave George Busch the election (the latter may be an indication that God actually hates us all — a lot).

“Abraham, don’t kill your child! Here, taketh a lesson from Michael’s Juvenile Brain Trust.”

Armchair Survivor and Survivor on CBS starts next week.  Check out http://ArmchairSurvivor.com.

Please vote for us at Podcast Alley (see right side of this page) and nominate us for best “Education” and “People’s Choice” podcasts at the Podcast Awards web site.  We found out someone hates us (or, at least Mike) so we’ll need all of the help we can get.  *hugs*

Parents:  read to your kids.  You can’t be any worse than Mike.

 

 08.09.19 - Bible Bedtime Stories (w/The Angry Old Testimate God) [16:38m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

What’s better than a good movie?  A movie that leaves you with some important lessons — like “Blazing Saddles”:

• Obama and Black Bart had something in common
• Joe “Jim the Waco Kid” Biden
• McCain:  Headly Lamar or Governor Lepetomane?
• Governor Palin:  The Governor’s Secretary or Lily Von Shtupp?
• Bush/Cheney:  Lepetomane/Lamar?
• Hiding the silverware
• Vitamin E
• Pretty girls are good diversions
• How to land grab and do other legal but socially horrible things
• We shouldn’t care about Bristol Lynne Spears — uh, Palin
• Mongo: Joe Lieberman or Dennis Kucinich?
• Obama Campaign theme song suggestion:  “Blazing Saddles”

Also, vote for us (see right side of this page) and Marji and Mike are starting their seventh season of Armchair Survivor (http://ArmchairSurvivor.com).

Wanna hear your voice on our show:  call us at 234.525.0354 and maybe we’ll use your message (please be clever, funny or profound).

 

 08.09.12 - Blazing Voters [21:16m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Everyone is a buzz about politics these days and it’s no different with the Juvenile Brain Trust. Our little co-hostes and her dad discuss women in politics and political parties. In the end, poor thing finds out there is a special political glass ceiling just for her. In today’s lesson:

• There’s Obama and … (don’t worry, he probably forgot, too)
• McCain as a party guest
• Hanoi Hilton -vs- Club Fed
• “Liquoring up the McCain“
• Democrap
• Hilary Clinton -vs- Sarah Palin
• Sarah Palin’s Google test of approval (her ex-brother-in-law may not be of much help)
• Hilary Clinton’s Google test of approval (oops)
• Stay away from motorboats that eat peanut butter crackers
• Gary (Podcast Pickle) and Mike like taking pictures next to each other
• Delaware: the big city block
• Kids like the Olympics better the the DNC or RNC
• How politicians do physical exercise
• We’re living in a police state (thank you Mr. Busch — we’re just as fucked as the countries at which we used to laugh)
• Why you should use condoms — even teenagers (Bristol?)

Thank you very much to Keith and The Girl for suggesting we run for one of the highest offices in the land of Podcasting. And congrats to them, also, for their recent wedding. Remember Chemda, if you don’t take your pill, you’ll have to wipe the result’s bottom.

 

 08.09.05 - Bitchocrats and Republicunts [17:08m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

So happy with his YouTube experience, the little man thirsts for more but Mike thinks there is more to online video than just kicks in the balls — hence, they spend some time watching a foreign film as well as a film about Jesus. Lessons learned today:

• Pornography has no upper age limit
• Suspect solutions that come from men who make you jump on without your underwear
• How to be a teenager
• YouTube doesn’t have porn but XTube does
• Love looses something in the translation with some cultures
• Butt turds and cunt turd may be equal in some cultures
• Both Pee and Turds take fun rides when they leave your body
• Mike finds someone with whom he can feel superior
• Some kids need a handle so as to not fly across the bathroom when crapping
• How crucifixion kills you
• Anything is better with silly music behind it setting the mood
• Music is how the director tells you how to feel during a movie
• How to make a funeral more enjoyable

If you’d like to enhance today’s show, you can view the videos our hosts were watching here:

How to Poop: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRGUmAuSFxA

Passion of the Christ: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQka7o0vYHo

Also check out some other videos related to the poop video…

Vocal Subtitles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJgKuLq-f58

Original Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZoGf47Z3aY

Vote for us (see right side of this page for more information).

 

 08.08.29 - Happy Music [24:53m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Boys will learn this soon enough but why not give the little guys a heads up?

Our little man is sad because he got left behind as his sister got to go with her friends to the public library. So why not cheer the little guy up with a valuable lessons for growing boys. It’s also funny to watch douche bags get hit in the nards. Today’s video experiences include:

• The crappy (in a good way) page header of Cheryl Merkowski’s whorehole.org blog
• Nick and Shawn Johnson are both minors.
• 
• Lovely Alicia Sacramone showing what she wished she could have done to China
• Emo’s vs Dwarfs
• Girls don’t really feel sorry for you when you get kicked in the balls
• Little Japanese girls can make your nuts flop
• Maybe he should have just settled for the lame birthday song
• Big man on campus — not if you get kicked in the balls by a hot chick
• Rock, Paper, Kick!
• Squirming across the floor like a pet that just got hit by a car after you get kick in the balls
• Hanging your friends by your balls
• You shouldn’t let people kick you in the balls — preserve your balls.

Leave comments about this show below or a voice comment on our listener comment line at 234-525-0354. We’re going to try to incorporate the comments into the show eventually (depending on what we get). Also, vote for us at Podcast Alley and all the other places — or this kid will kick you in the balls (so he says).

One Last Piece Of Business… We’re changing the name of the podcast to “Juvenile Brain Trust“. Though we’re disappointed with CBS for not making a second season of Kid Nation, we’re moving on and getting off the armchair. For you, the fans, though, the only real change will be the name — unless we can do something better.

 

 08.08.22 - A Kick In The YouTube [17:45m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download